Thursday, December 6, 2012

Haiku Death Match, 5th December, 2012

I took 2nd place in Poetry In Motion's inaugural Haiku Death Match last night. The phrase of the day was "death match!" shouted over and over whenever the pair of haikuka went up for a 3rd and final Haiku in the best of 3. Unfortunately, in the first round,  I went up against my lovely wife and I know her Haiku were so kick-ass. I was amazed I got through to be honest. She would have gone all the way to the final knowing the other haikus she had waiting!

These are the ones I used last night:

Round 1

To love the ocean
And enjoy your time at sea,
Vomit and move on
I work in IT,
a daily desk disciple.
Dilbert’s the prophet
Always remember,
there are two types of people
and I don’t like them

Round 2

I’d like to agree
with what you say, however
then we’d both be wrong
nudes framed on the wall
at the new art gallery
are very well hung

Round 3

Quantum physicists
understand the universe
Better Children’s toys.
Anatomically correct
Ken and Barbie dolls
Both sex and pizza,
even when they're pretty bad
are both pretty good.

Round 4 (these were written on the night - from subjects supplied by the audience. The subjects were "tampons", "cat food" and "dinosaurs").

 Do I see tampons
In that treetop over there?
Do cats like cat food?
No, of course they don't. They just
don't like anything.
According to science
When dinosaurs ruled the earth
there were no haikus (this was SO lame, but I had nothing!)

And, for a final Haiku (to the shouting of "ONE MORE HAIKU!)
A bad recession
May even make the saintly
Sell their hearts of gold

Unshared Haiku that I had in reserve:

It is what it is
A cliche is a cliche
We need new cliches
For love eternal
Romeo and Juliette
Should have stayed alive
Socialists and communists
at the same party
ghost observations
they’re restricted to houses
and don’t get out much
The difference between
Christmas here and Christmas there
Pohutukawas (sound familiar?)
When she smiles at me
it's like a punch in the face
pugilistic love
Repeating yourself
Repeat yourself to be heard
Repeating yourself
You can have your cake
And possibly eat it too
Not me, I like pie
New novel idea.
It will take the world by storm.
Vampires AND werewolves
Modern pirate fact
roger isn’t so jolly
anymore is he?
The stories are true
aliens live among us
disguised as sculptures
Shut the fuck up you
If you don’t, I will cut you
And scatter your bones